From hair to Ayr

Political decisions can legitimately be influenced by outside factors. The consciences of MPs can be swayed by the concerns put forth from lobby firms. However, there are cases of unscrupulous organisations offering inducements to affect the political process. I think the word I’m looking for is bribery.

As a respected, important and fast-growing website we are Scottish terrier-like biting at the ankles of the footsie: expect to see us in the top 100(000...) any day soon. Not wanting to jeopardise our rise by any taint of corruption we have avoided scandal. And then trouble walked in the door.

A pre-arranged interview with a straight-legged, mild-mannered salesman from the Comb-i-nation Company got a bit hairy. It started innocently enough as he made his pitch for an article on our esteemed domain. He gave me a USB stick with information on his range of combs.

Most combs have only two sets of teeth and his firm were about to market a comb with three different lengths of molars. An innovative intermediate set in the middle of the appliance was intended for the thinning. This middle class spoke would go with the standard close knit teeth for the hirsute and gap tooth spikes for the Kojak community. I didn’t think this was newsworthy enough so I politely said we wouldn’t be publicising his idea.

Undeterred, he pulled out a meter stick from his trouser leg revealing a prototype comb with multiple combinations of teeth for every sort of hair: from the steel wool mane to the paper mache strips to the archipelago of the great basin head barnets. This could change the world of the wrap-over as we know it.
I nit-picked “It’s just a tad too unwieldy.”
This slight criticism brought an armed response as the salesman pulled out a Swiss Army Knife from his other pocket and I expected to be attacked by the scissors tool or the can opener. Only it wasn’t a Swiss Army Knife it was a Swiss Army Comb. Stowed inside the handle of the knife were varied combinational combs.

I still wasn’t convinced of going to print as combs aren’t that exciting to read about until the lobbyist offered me an all-expenses paid weekend caravan holiday in Ayr. Everyone’s got a price and who can refuse a trip through the lovely countryside of Ayrshire to the fair seaside town of Ayr. I took the bribe and packed my bucket and spade for the beach. Unfairly, it rained for three days and the wind was of the type that ravages your hair. Still, it was still nice to have a wee break.